


The Cons of Dating Death

by SolarisGaudium



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Description of blood, Hurt/Comfort, Kravitz to the rescue, M/M, One Shot, Taako gets hurt, blood and cutting, stay safe
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-05
Updated: 2018-08-05
Packaged: 2019-06-22 11:59:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,388
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15581487
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SolarisGaudium/pseuds/SolarisGaudium
Summary: Taako accidentally lets it slip that he's dating the Grim Reaper and a necromancer decides to take advantage of the situation.





	The Cons of Dating Death

**Author's Note:**

> So I had the idea for this fic while reading [this](https://archiveofourown.org/works/12972450), and it was brought up that no one knew who Kravitz really was because they didn't want to have people abuse that relationship. So now we have this! This was written over about a week and it took me a bit before I was happy with how it turned out, but it still is a bit on the rough side so please forgive me. I tried to make it not too rushed, but who knows if I pulled that off or not.
> 
> There are moments where blood and cutting are mentioned/described, so if that's something you're not cool with you might want to skip this one.
> 
> Anyways, please leave me a kudos or a comment if you liked this. Thanks!

A lot had changed since the Day of Story and Song. Taako had his school, which was going smoothly (of course), Merle had his Extreme Teen Adventures and was quickly becoming popular among the youth (which was kinda weird), and Magnus had his dojo and dog training, which was why they were at the bar at that current time.

“Another round of shots, my good man!” Magnus shouted, which was unnecessary since the barkeep was just a few feet away. It was most likely the alcohol.

The barkeep didn’t seem to mind though as he quickly filled the glasses and slid them down to the Tres Horny Boys. Taako figured the dude didn’t complain since three of the Seven Birds were in his establishment and probably wanted to give a good impression.

Magnus downed his shot as soon as he got it and slammed the glass down with a huge grin. “Yeah, that’s the good stuff right there!”

Merle just scoffed as he drank his shot as well, hiding his smirk with the glass. “Eh, it’s not bad.”

Magnus laughed and shoved Merle a little too hard, nearly shoving the dwarf off of the stool while Taako looked on with a semi-bored expression. It had been a while since the three of them had spent time together, and while he would never say it out loud he enjoyed being with his friends again.

“Well Magnus,” Taako drawled as he swirled his drink, “congrats on your first trained dog. Keep this up and you just might become as successful as me.”

Magnus smiled brightly at Taako. “Thanks, Taako! I love having my best buds with me to celebrate.”

Taako hummed and downed his shot, grimacing slightly at the taste. He opened his mouth to say something when his stone of farspeech lit up. “‘Scuse me, my dudes I gotta take this,” he said as he jumped off the stool and went to a more quiet corner of the bar. “What’s up, Bone Daddy?”

A warm chuckle came from the stone. “Hello, Taako,” Kravitz said fondly, “how are things going? Enjoying yourself I hope?”

“Oh, you know,” Taako replied with a wave of his hand, “just sitting around drinking almost-shit quality alcohol with the dudes. Everything cool with you?”

“Yes, everything’s fine,” Kravitz said, “I just wanted to let you know that I’ll be home late tonight; Barry, Lup and I were able to dispatch a cult faster than I expected, just have to finish some paperwork.”

Taako grinned at the stone, his voice low and seductive. “Well then, guess I better not get too hammered so that we can have some fun when I get back.” In a more cheerful tone, he said, “say hi to Bird Mom for me!”

Kravitz spluttered and Taako could perfectly imagine his flustered look. “She’s not- I’m- Taako we’ve been over this! The Raven Queen is not my mom.”

“Sure, whatever Bones,” Taako laughed. “I’ll see you later.”

Kravitz bid his farewell and Taako sauntered back over to the bar, failing his perception check.

 

Taako carefully applied the second wing of his eyeliner with practiced ease, finishing his look for the night. He still felt a bit buzzed from the drinks he had at the bar, but it wasn’t enough for him to be completely out of it. It had been a while since Kravitz had been home for more than a few moments, and Taako planned on capitalizing every minute he had tonight.

Now that his makeup was finished, Taako went to the kitchen and pulled out a couple glasses and a bottle of red wine, placing them on the table along with the late dinner he had prepared. It wasn’t much food, due to the late evening, but it still rocked if he did say so himself. Which he did.

The sound of the door opening caused Taako to smile. “Hey, my man, I wasn’t expecting you for a while,” he said as he walked into the main room, but stopped. The lights were still off, and no one was in sight.

Taako went on high alert and looked around, not quite preparing any spells. _Probably Kravitz trying to pull a goof_ , Taako tried telling himself, despite the fact Kravitz hadn’t done anything like this before, but Taako really didn’t want to have to deal with the alternative.

His ear twitched and he caught the sound of a footstep behind him. He spun around to face whoever was in his home, but only caught a glimpse of a hooded figure before a powerful Sleep spell knocked him out completely.

 

A killer headache was this first thing Taako noticed. Must have hit his head when he passed out. The second thing he noticed when he shifted was that his hands were bound behind his back.

Finally, Taako forced his eyes open. The walls were stone, so he figured he was in some sort of cave, but it was what was on the stones made his blood run cold.

Blood, strange symbols, and various notes and papers littered the walls, and a wooden table covered with more blood, tools, jars of questionable substances, and tomes was at the far wall. Everything in the cavern screamed one thing:

Necromancer.

Footsteps came from the shadows and a cloaked figure stepped forward, lowering their hood to reveal a male drow, the ends of his long white hair stained red. This dude had obviously been at it for a while. “Wonderful, you’re awake,” the drow said in a low voice. “Just in time to observe my latest research.”

Taako scowled. “Alright who are you and what the fuck is going on here? If this is some sort of ransom shtick then you took the wrong dude, my man.”

The drow just grinned. “You may call me Devan, and don’t worry, I know _exactly_ what I’m doing, Taako from TV. This isn’t quite a ransom, but more of an...insurance.”

Alright, enough of this. “Sorry, but I’m not in the mood right now,” Taako said as he concentrated on summoning Mage Hand and backhand the necromancer, but. Nothing happened.

A low chuckle distracted Taako and Devan smiled knowingly. “I would save your energy. Your bindings are for more than just show. Your magic is completely blocked off as long as you wear them.”

Taako swallowed back the fear threatening to bubble up. No fucking way was he giving Devan that satisfaction. “That does put a bit of a damper on things. Magic isn’t the only trick up my sleeve though, and you’re gonna regret all of this real fucking soon.” Kravitz would find out something was wrong, he would find him and save him. This drow bit off way more than he could chew.

Devan simply walked over to the table and picked up a thin blade. “Let’s find out, shall we?”

 

A portal appeared in front of the door to Kravitz and Taako’s home and Kravitz stepped through. Paperwork took way too long and Kravitz was incredibly tired, but the thought of seeing Taako after so long pushed him through. He hated they had been separated for so long, but the cult was big and had a lot of smaller branches that needed to be taken care of. It was a stroke of luck that one of the cultists had been close to the head of everything. It gave them all of the information they needed in order to completely take it down. 

Lup and Barry were taking care of the last of the souls, allowing Kravitz to come home that much sooner to see Taako, which Kravitz was very grateful for.

Kravitz opened the door to the home and was surprised to see it was dark. Taako had told him when he got back from the bar, so he should be around somewhere. Kravitz looked around as he walked through and noticed the wine and untouched meal on the table.

He squashed down the worry rising in him as he headed for the bedroom. Maybe Taako had more to drink than he thought and was asleep, but that theory was dashed when Kravitz saw the empty bed.

A quick search of the house proved that Taako wasn’t home, and his stone of farspeech was found in the kitchen. Trying not to panic, Kravtiz called Lup who answered quickly. “What’s up, Ghost Rider? Did you forget something?”

“Have you heard from Taako?” Kravitz interrupted her, hating the nerves in his voice. “No one is home and he doesn’t have his stone.”

“No, he didn’t say anything. Hey babe?” Lup’s voice faded as she turned away from her stone. “Did Taako talk to you tonight?” There was a faint reply in the background before Lup returned. “Barry hasn’t heard anything either. Is he still with Mags and Merle?”

Kravitz shook his head then remembered she wasn’t actually there. “No, he told me when he got home. Lup what if-” a sudden spike of fear went through him, rendering him speechless. Something wasn’t right. “Lup I’ll call you later, let me know if you hear anything.” Kravitz didn’t wait for a response as he put away his stone, summoning his scythe.

He stood still and closed his eyes, searching for Taako’s soul, but just as he seemed close to locating Taako something seemed to push him back. Some kind of barrier. With a scowl, Kravitz pushed back, forcing his way through the barrier. He _had_ to find Taako!

With all of his mental strength, he pushed harder and harder, straining against whatever magic was holding him back, until _finally_ , he broke through.

Kravitz wasted no time opening a portal and jumping through, the skin around his face melting away.

 

Taako leaned against the cave wall, his eyes half closed. His arm throbbed where an angry long gash oozed blood, and his wrists burned from his straining against the bindings.

Devan was busy drawing out a circle with a mix of chalk and Taako’s blood, and he looked _way_ too fucking cheerful about the procedure. The blade he had used to cut into Taako’s arm was tucked behind his ear, like some kind of sick artist with a paintbrush.

Taako winced as he readjusted, some more blood oozing from the cut, and glared at the drow. Normally a cut like this wouldn’t really faze him, but that was because he usually had someone else with him. This time he was alone, and he would never admit it out loud, but it scared him.

Devan stood up and looked down at his work with satisfaction. “Everything is working out perfectly,” he said almost wistfully.

“Careful dude or you might jinx it,” Taako said with a scowl. “Won’t be long now until you get what you deserve.”

“We’ll see about that,” Devan said simply. He went back over and knelt in front of Taako, pulling the knife from behind his ear. “Until then, I need a bit more from you for this ritual to work.”

The sound of fabric tearing came from behind Devan and Taako felt himself sag with relief as he saw Kravitz step through the rift, his red eyes burning brightly in his eye sockets.  
Devan stood and turned quickly in surprise. “Ah, you showed up sooner than I expected you to.”

Taako frowned. This was nowhere near the reaction he was expecting.

Kravitz stood tall and pointed his scythe at Devan. “Let him go and I _might_ have mercy on you.” His voice was cold and threatening, no accent to be heard.

“Hm, what a tempting offer,” Devan said, completely unfazed. Instead, he reached down and grabbed Taako’s hair, pulling him to his feet and pointing the knife at his neck. “Take a step closer and I will kill him.”

Taako grimaced as he was pulled up, the sharp pain blurring his vision with stars. He hated feeling so helpless, so powerless as the necromancer held the blade to his neck. Tears sprung unbidden in his eyes as he stared at Kravitz in a silent plea for help.

Kravitz froze, terror evident on his face despite the lack of emotions a skull has. He looked around the cave, searching for anything he could use to fight back. When an answer didn’t seem to be immediately evident he slowly lowered his scythe.

Devan smiled. “Good, now was that so hard?” He grabbed Taako’s arm that hadn’t been cut and smiled devilishly at Kravitz. “Now I need to return to what I was doing. Make a single move and the knife might slip.” Without further warning, he sliced the arm, bright red blood welling up quickly.

A whimper escaped Taako, but he refused to show any further weakness to Devan as the drow gathered the blood into a vial. A glance up at Kravitz showed that he was visibly shaking his red eyes glowing brightly with rage.

As soon as the vial was full, Devan dropped Taako to the ground like a doll and stepped towards the open book on the table. “Well, now that everyone is here, we can really get the party started.” A Mage Hand appeared and turned the pages of the book as Devan mixed the blood with other various ingredients in a bowl. Despite his relaxed demeanor, his shoulders were tense as he kept an eye of Kravitz to make sure he stayed where he was.

Taako shifted to try and get back into a semi-comfortable position, ignoring the way both of his arms burned. He looked up and saw Kravitz was staring at him, his skin now covering his skull again. A pained, worried expression was on his face as he looked over the wounds on Taako’s arms, but Taako could still see the rage in his eyes and knew that the drow would be torn to pieces as soon as Kravitz got his hands on him.

Taako tried to smile reassuringly, adopting his aloof demeanor to show that none of this really fazed him despite all evidence proving otherwise. His arms ached and his head still smarted from his hair being pulled, but he had to believe that they could get out of this. They had been in tougher situations before, they stopped the actual apocalypse! There _had_ to be a way out of this.

Devan hummed and stepped towards the ritual circle, gesturing to Kravitz. “Now, if you would please step into the circle we can start.”

“I will _not_ be a part of your ritual,” Kravitz growled menacingly, his grip tightening on his scythe.

“Now, now,” Devan tutted, “don’t be like that. You are such an important part! Besides, if you don’t cooperate, then something bad will happen to your friend.” With a snap of his fingers, the Mage Hand drifted to Taako and held the knife pointed at him.

Kravitz clenched his hands and glared murderously at the drow, but did what he was told and stepped into the circle.

Taako shifted to try and get a bit of distance from the knife, then froze as he felt something against his fingers. Without trying to move too much he reached for the object and picked up was felt like a rock with a relatively sharp edge. An idea quickly formed in his mind.

Devan grinned as he walked around to stand between Kravitz and Taako. “Lose the scythe, you won’t need it.”

Kravitz growled, but after a beat he dispelled his scythe, leaving his hands clenched tightly at his sides. “Mind telling me what you’re planning here?”

“Isn’t it obvious?” Devan asked in mock surprise. “This is a simple ritual that will add a few more years to my life. I was going to do this without you, but when I heard that the great Taako was close to a servant of the Raven Queen, I just couldn’t resist adding to the spell a little. With your sacrifice, I can give myself so much more life and power, and there is nothing you can do about it!”

 _That’s it, keep him talking,_ Taako thought as he sawed the rope holding his hands together. They may have been warded against magic, but it was still rope. He could feel a bit of give now, but it still wasn’t enough.

Kravitz stared at Devan incredulously. “You can’t be serious! My soul is bound to the Raven Queen, there is no way this ritual will work!”

“Only one way to find out, isn’t there?” Devan replied as he held the bowl out in front of him. He began to chant as he slowly tipped the bowl, the now black mixture pouring onto the ground with a sizzling sound.

Kravitz stepped back away from the liquid, but his back was met with some sort of force, keeping him from leaving the circle.

Taako swore as he moved faster, trying desperately to cut the rope quickly. After what seemed like an eternity something snapped and the ropes loosened their hold on him. Shakily, he stood up and could feel his magic coming back to him. With a smirk, he held out a hand and shouted, “Hey asshole!”

Devan stopped chanting and turned his head, but was unable to react as three Magic Missiles fired into him. The bowl clattered to the ground as Devan fell to his knees, the magic broken as the liquid sizzled into a putrid smoke.

Like a flash of light Kravitz held Devan up by the collar and slammed him into the cave wall. “You should have taken my deal,” he snarled at the drow before punching him in the face. Something cracked from the blow, but that didn’t deter Kravitz as he punched Devan a few more times until he didn’t make any more noise. He then threw Devan’s unconscious form to the ground, and with a quick swipe of his scythe, the drow’s spirit was sent to the astral plane.

Taako laughed, saying “told ya you would regret it, asshole,” before crumpling to the ground. Kravitz was at his side in an instant, hesitating to try and hold Taako without touching his wounds. “Taako, darling are you alright?”

Taako curled up slightly and buried his face into Kravitz' chest, trying in vain to keep tears back. “I want to go home,” he said, his voice muffled.

Kravitz nodded and gently lifted Taako into his arms, careful of the wounds, and opened a rift back to their house.

 

Later, Taako laid on their bed in a clean change of clothes and his arms wrapped up. They still stung from being cleaned, but Merle said that they should be fine by the next morning.

Lup had come over as soon as Kravitz told her Taako was home and hugged her brother tightly, wanting to make sure for herself that Taako was alright before going to the cave with Barry to clean up the mess so that Kravitz could stay with Taako.

Kravitz came into the room from taking Merle home and crawled into bed, placing a kiss to Taako’s forehead before pulling him close. “How are you feeling?”

“Better,” Taako said quietly as he snuggled closer, ignoring the way his arms protested from moving. “Listen, what happened was pretty fucked up and I wanted to say that, uh, I’m sorry for getting you in that mess.”

Kravitz frowned. “You don’t have to apologize Taako, none of that was your fault.”

Taako sighed. “I’m the one who blurted out what you’re the Grim Reaper in the middle of the bar. I should have been more careful, this is why we didn’t want strangers to know.”

Kravitz kissed the top of Taako’s head gently. “Taako, I don’t blame you for this, and you shouldn’t either. Devan was the one who made the decision to hurt you, and he got what he deserved for it.” He took one of Taako’s hands and laced their fingers together. “All I care about is that you’re safe.”

Taako stayed quiet as he absorbed Kravitz’ words, relishing the coolness of his skin. Kravitz was so gentle, so calm as he held him close as though he was scared Taako would be taken from him again. With another sigh, Taako shifted to look up at Kravitz with a soft smile. “I told him he would regret it. Thanks for proving me right.”

Kravitz chuckled and kissed Taako softly. “Anytime.”


End file.
